tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809465323458176389.post8360182993874393459..comments2014-08-17T19:19:08.115-07:00Comments on Lance Draconis: Original short story: A Bond of BloodUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2809465323458176389.post-20190546653175712712013-06-01T00:09:52.436-07:002013-06-01T00:09:52.436-07:00Plot: Pretty good. However, I think you may have ...Plot: Pretty good. However, I think you may have a smoother plot arc if you started the story before Britt leaves camp. Show us Janne and the tension between the two. A few sharp, emotion-filled conversations should delineate their relationship and the tensions in the family. Then when Britt gets back, she can go through another emotional rollercoaster when she discovers the sister she argued with previously is missing. <br /><br />Narrative: a bit too heavy and full of info-dumping. You're applying novel skills to a short story. You can ditch most of the back-story. Instead, hint at most of it, revealing it through dialogue between characters. Trust your readers that they'll get what you're trying to say.<br /><br />Characters: Have the potential to be really, really interesting, if you transfer the consequenses of your backstory to their action and dialogue. Fr'example, Britt becomes more interesting when she makes the realisation that it's her unshackled freedom she truly values.Her Grace, Heidi, the Duchess of Knealehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17818060864422019573noreply@blogger.com